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How to Build the Intimate Relationship You Truly Want

It’s not hard to spot couples who are in intimate relationships. They’re holding hands, smiling towards one another, or whispering something to each other that generates a laugh.

Many couples want to have that type of intimate relationship. Yet, it’s not always clear to them how to get there.

Does this sound like you and your partner?

There are ways to build and nurture intimacy, no matter what stage you are in with a relationship. And it’s not that hard to do at all. Though, it does take time.

Here’s how you and your partner can create the intimate relationship that you truly want.

Encouraging Physical Intimacy

Whenever someone talks about physical intimacy, it seems that the first thing that comes to mind is the bedroom. Although sex is important for a relationship, it’s not the only way to encourage physical intimacy. In fact, many other moments provide intimacy. That’s because they show that you care about and love your partner.

Here are some examples:

  • Holding hands
  • Walking arm-in-arm, which is closer in proximity than hand-holding
  • Giving each other a morning hug or kiss before starting the day
  • Dancing!
  • Lying together in bed vs. staying on your own sides

Reflect for a moment about how easily you can provide more physical intimacy to your partner and show your love by doing some of these things.

Getting Real with Emotional Intimacy

Perhaps you envision talking about each other’s feelings when you hear someone mention emotional intimacy. And yes, it’s important to share and discuss what each of you is feeling. However, that doesn’t fully encapsulate what it means to be emotionally intimate.

Other areas of emotional intimacy include:

  • Talking about your desires and wants
  • Discussing your hopes and dreams
  • Express any worries or concerns that each of you has

What’s also important is that these conversations occur in a climate free of judgment. Listen to each other and hear what your partner has to say. And refrain from jumping in or wanting to take over the discussion.

When one of you talks and the other listens, you both build understanding. It’s that understanding that will carry both of you through the ups and downs of your relationship.

Having Meaningful Experiences Together

You can blend physical and emotional intimacy by having meaningful experiences as a couple. These experiences are the glue that binds the two of you together.

For one, when you both do something fun, engaging, and even a little challenging, that creates excitement. However, that doesn’t mean you have to go skydiving together to get these benefits!

Instead, think about what you both like to do as individuals, and as a couple. Even better, try a new activity that neither of you has done before. For example, taking a private cooking class where you learn to prepare a meal you’ve never tried before. That can be more exciting than skydiving and more meaningful when done together.

When You Need Extra Help

While all these things sound like great ideas for building intimacy (and they are!), you and your partner might find yourselves needing a little extra support with this process. That’s where a therapist who understands relationship counseling comes in.

A skilled couples counselor will be able to help both of you with more ideas about building intimacy. Maybe you struggle with expressing your emotions in ways that accurately convey what you are feeling. Or perhaps your partner has lingering past experiences that make it difficult for forging physical intimacy. Therapy will help both of you to improve in these areas so that you can have the relationship you really want.

Building a relationship together is an ever-constant process. However, it doesn’t take much time to give your partner a hug or have a chat over coffee in the morning. Yet, if you do find yourselves struggling with building intimacy or strengthening your relationship, please contact us, 256-686-9195.

Author

Joshua Howell, MS, LPC, NCC, AADC, ICAADC, SAP, SAE

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