Category: Blog

The end of the year can feel like everything’s just unraveling!

Instead of celebrating the new year, does it feel more like you’re just dragging yourself into January?

It’s amazing how much a year can take out of you, especially if you haven’t been able to do the things you need to take care of yourself. You end up simply trying to get through each day, and what’s left is the mental clutter of worry and stress.

That’s not very fulfilling or encouraging.

So, to start the new year right, here are some ideas to clear out the mental clutter, regain focus, and enrich your life.

Clear Out the Mental Clutter from the Past Year

First, let’s start by clearing out the mental clutter that’s been building up. Examples of mental clutter include:

• Worry
• Anxiety
• Stress
• Fear
• Obligations
• Anything that detracts from your quality of life

The best way to clear out this mental clutter is to get it all out of your head. But how?

You can write it all down. Everything. The format doesn’t matter. It can be a list, phrases, or even writing an entire essay. Writing helps with transitioning whatever is on your mind out of your body.

Go old school and use a pen and pad of paper. The tactile sensation of writing will help with clearing the mental clutter.

Regain Focus for the New Year

Once you’ve cleared out the mental clutter, it’s time to regain focus. One idea is to look at what you’ve written. Study the material.

What are the things that matter to you? Which are things you absolutely “need” to do? And what are the items that are distractions or are unhelpful?

Cross out those latter items while circling the things that matter most. Then, consider how you might best focus on these for the new year. Prioritize three or four items, and make goals. Use the SMART format (Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Realistic, Timely).

Enrich Your Life Not Just Next Year but Every Year!

Finally, take some time to reflect on how to better enrich your life each year. For example:

• Focusing on those things that matter most to you.
• Try something new: a sport, hobby, or learning a new skill.
• Travel! Go somewhere you’ve already dreamed of visiting.
• Commit yourself to cooking tasty, healthy meals that are delicious.
• Listen to music. Even better, learn how to play an instrument!

All of these are good ideas. However, the most critical way to enrich your life is creating and maintain healthy relationships with other people.

This includes cultivating the friendships that already exist in your life. But it can also mean you work on branching out to different social circles. If you live far away from family, use modern communication tools and apps to stay in touch. When you have strong relationships with those you care about, you truly do have a rich life.

Help for Starting Off the New Year Right

Just as you might clean house in the New Year, it helps to do some mental decluttering to regain focus. Although the above-mentioned ideas are very useful, you might still be struggling with how to best implement them. That’s okay! We all need some help from time-to-time.

The new year can be a good time to start all kinds of practices. Why not include seeing a therapist? Therapy can help provide that extra support you need to clear out the mental clutter and refocus on what’s important to you. That way you can have a more enriching and fulfilling life.

It would be my pleasure to help guide you through the process to start the new year off right. Please, feel free to contact us to find out more about how we can help you.

If you’ve spent much time researching coping methods for anxiety symptoms, then you’ve probably heard of deep breathing.

That shouldn’t be a surprise. Deep breathing is often mentioned in online articles as a healthy way of dealing with anxiety. This is true for both when you are feeling anxious and as a preventative strategy.

But what is deep breathing anyway? And how can it be effective?

Let’s take away the mystery behind those words to better understand how deep breathing works.

The Meaning Behind the Words “Deep Breathing”

The term “deep breathing” is really a catch-all that is meant to describe intentionally and focused breathing. Typically, you breathe in and out every moment of your life without necessarily being conscious of the action. This is as opposed to intentional acts that you tell your body to do, such as when you pick up an object or even walk.

Breathing is subconscious. It’s just one part of the complicated system that is the human body. The existence of this system is really useful because we don’t have to tell our lungs to take in oxygen all the time. It simply does that for us.

But sometimes your breathing can get away from you. Especially if you’re anxious. You might have experienced faster, shallower breathing during an anxiety attack. And that is a big problem. It keeps you from staying calm and focused. Deep breathing can help restore that focus and calm.

The Physiological Effects of Deep Breathing

Deep breathing is definitely beneficial for your body. As mentioned above, when you experience anxiety, your breathing changes. It gets shallower and you take more rapid breaths. In some cases, you might even hold your breath during an anxiety attack.

Have you ever had that happen to you? You have an anxiety attack, and when it passes you notice that you’ve been holding breath the entire time!

So, here’s how deep breathing can help you physiologically:

• Keeping you to continue breathing, even when experiencing stress
• Absorbing and transmitting oxygen to your cells
• Preventing a stress response from occurring (hyperventilation)

You need oxygen to survive. When you are anxious, your body responds in certain ways that may hinder or promote an excess of that intake of oxygen because it believes you are in danger.

By practicing deep breathing, your body still gets the right amount of oxygen it needs. And that, in turn, means you are able to deal with the stressful situation at hand with more calm and clear thinking.

Deep Breathing and Your Emotions

Have you ever felt that you couldn’t catch your breath? For instance, you were exercising so much that you were left gasping for air. How did that make you feel? Most likely, you felt scared, fearful, panicky, and unsafe.

These are all feelings associated with anxiety!

When you can’t breathe, you feel that you are in great danger. It’s no wonder that, when you are anxious, it will be worse if you can’t breathe properly. However, deep breathing can help with this problem so that you can remain calm.

How Deep Breathing Works in Practice

Deep breathing is a two-fold practice. First, it requires that you practice breathing exercises when you are calm. The reason for this is simple. You need to train your body to be able to stay in control and continue breathing so that your mind can remain calm and you can deal with the problem at hand.

There are several ways to practice deep breathing, such as:

• Sitting in a comfortable position and taking note of each breath you inhale and exhale
• Breathing in through your nose, holding the breath, exhaling through your mouth, then holding on the exhale (with practice, you can increase the amount of time you do each step)
• Lying on your back, placing your hand on your stomach, and breathing in and out deeply, noting how your hand rises and falls

Second, it requires that you consciously use what you have learned. So if you do become anxious, take note of your breath. Are you in control? If not, refocus back on your breathing. Close your eyes, breathe in and out slowly, until you feel more in control. Over time, your body becomes better capable of maintaining your breathing, even when anxiety suddenly hits you as if out of nowhere.

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Deep breathing is just one of many tools that you can use to manage anxiety. If you want to learn more about this skill and how to manage anxiety in general, reach out to us for more information.

It seems almost everyone likes to make goals for the upcoming new year.

Some may choose to focus on their careers in order to get a promotion or be more qualified in their field. Others might decide that they want to get better at a hobby or sport. For instance, a swimmer might set the goal to improve their performance.

Those are certainly are good ideas, but what about making your focus your personal growth in the New Year?

All too often people look outside themselves towards what they believe are “tangible” objectives. Yet, they miss out on the important work that can be done inwardly through personal growth.

Consider three ways you can grow in the new year.

1. Identify Your Strengths and Not-So-Strengths

First, it helps to do a self-inventory of what you do well and where you need to improve in regards to personal growth. This can actually be pretty hard for some to do.

For instance, you might find it easy to identify your strengths, but your not-so-strengths might be harder to pin down. Or you find it too easy to list all of your not-so-strengths, yet have no idea what your true strengths are.

Some examples of each include:

• You find it easy to empathize with other people.
• Listening can be difficult for you.
• You follow a self-care routine.
• It’s hard for you to find the time to relax and unwind.

By the way, the words “not-so-strengths” is intentional. It’s more positive and affirming than saying “weaknesses.” For some, that word can be very discouraging and might even tie into their personal growth struggles.

You don’t’ have to use the same wording, but surely you get the idea. It helps to identify what your strengths are and where you believe you could improve.

2. Create a Plan

Once you have identified your strengths and not-so-strengths, make a plan for each item that you wish to improve upon. Note, it helps to keep this list to three or so goals. Any more can be overwhelming. Plus, it’s harder to direct your focus and attention to the areas that you do want to improve.

Not sure how to make a plan? Do some research!

For example:

• Use the Internet (but only reputable sources!).
• Ask a friend or family member who’s been in the same shoes you are.
• Trust your gut!

When planning, use the SMART acronym as a guide. This stands for Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Realistic, and Timely. You’ll find that this will make it easier for creating effects plans to reach your goals.

3. Commit and Do the Work

Finally, make the commitment and do the work to make your plans a reality. For instance, let’s say that you want to become more mindful in the New Year. How could you accomplish this?

Some ideas include:

• Every day, schedule 15 minutes or so of personal reflective time.
• Follow a meditation or breathing practice.
• Make this time a priority.
• Be willing to try new techniques and practices.

If you miss a day, that’s okay! Instead of beating yourself up, rededicate yourself to the practice. Remember, it takes time to build and sustain new habits.

Professional Help for Personal Growth

Personal growth is something that’s never done. There’s always some area to improve upon. The points mentioned above can be replicated time after time. However, if you struggle with the idea of nurturing or committing to personal growth, you might want to get some extra help.

Perhaps you have decided that you need to address some issues from your past that are painful to recall. Or you know that you want to improve yourself but are just not sure how. A therapist will be able to support you with identifying, planning, and implementing the changes you want to achieve.

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If you would like help with setting goals for the new year and working toward achieving them, please contact us. It would be our pleasure to help you further your personal growth.

All too often couples decide to come to couples counseling long after they should have done so. This makes the healing process harder, and in some cases, impossible.

You know that you don’t want things to end up that way, but how can you tell when it’s time to seek help?

Asking some pointed questions will be a good first step. Yet, which questions do you need to consider before committing to couples counseling? It’s okay not to know, as long as you are willing to acknowledge that and have an open mind to the therapeutic process.

To get you started, here are some questions to think about before you engage in therapy.

What Is the Problem?

Ask yourself, “What really is the problem in our relationship?” Keep in mind that your answer shouldn’t be “my partner.” That’s because, as we all know, relationships are a two-way street. That means that you can’t place all the blame on your partner for the relationship problems.

Typically, the issues are much greater: breakdown of communication, lack of trust, not feeling close or loving, or quick to argue and lash out in anger.

If you took an honest look at your relationship and have noticed that these issues create problems between you and your partner, then it might be time to consider couples counseling.

Have We Tried Resolving the Issues Ourselves?

Next, consider whether you have genuinely tried to resolve the problems yourselves. Note the word “genuine.” This implies that both of you are willing to acknowledge the issue and are open to one another.

Truthfulness is critically important for couples to resolve their differences. If one or both of you are not genuine and sincere in your desires to repair the relationship, then this process won’t work.

To be genuine, it requires that you both can sit down with one another and have an honest discussion about what’s happening.

Are Our Problems Interfering with Other Parts of Our Lives?

Another question to think about before committing to couples counseling is whether the issues are interfering with other aspects of your lives. For instance, have you been late to work because you and your partner keep arguing? Or are the children noticing the problems that you and your partner are having, and are acting out?

If the answer is yes to these questions, then that’s a sign you both should seriously think about seeking couples counseling.

Do We Want Therapy to Work?

That may sound like a ridiculous question. After all, who wouldn’t want therapy to help resolve their relationship issues, right?

However, for some, it may be too little too late. They might not want therapy to work because they have reached a point where they are removing themselves from the relationship.

It might not be obvious at first. Rather, answering this question is something that requires some soul-searching by both partners. Otherwise, you are each setting the other up for failure.

Are We Expecting Therapy to “Fix” Our Problems?

If you are expecting therapy to fix your relationship problems, then you are bound to be disappointed. That’s because counseling isn’t intended to fix or repair anything! Instead, therapy provides a structure that can help both of you to foster understanding, connection, and growth.

The reality is that it’s you and your partner that do the “fixing.” This is accomplished by attending sessions, practicing communication skills, and listening to one another. And it requires that you commit to the process and are willing to do the work needed to repair your relationship.

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Many couples resort to therapy only as the last option. And they fail to ask themselves the hard questions beforehand. Instead, they push their relationship issues under the surface until they can no longer be ignored.

However, if you and your partner have begun having conversations about therapy and are willing to put in the effort, then it’s time to seek out couples counseling. Please, feel free to contact us. 256-686-9195

From time to time, many of us find ourselves adrift in life.

Maybe you thought you were once on the path you intended but have lost sight of it along the way. Or you had your goal right in front of you, but now things have become hazy and out of focus.

These moments can occur either in your professional or personal life. Regardless of the circumstances, though, they can cause confusion, distress, and even lead to depression.

What if there was a way to find direction?

Individual counseling can help you bring clarity back into your life. Here’s how.

1. Revealing Patterns of Behavior

When you are struggling to find clarity, it’s easy to have metaphorical blinders on. These prevent you from truly seeing patterns of behavior that you might be struggling with. For example, it can be hard to recognize even nonverbal ways with which you respond to stress or disappointment.

It takes someone holding up a therapeutic mirror to show you these patterns. But once those blinders have been removed, it’s much easier to recognize those patterns and to do something about them.

2. Understanding the “Why”

Another way that individual counseling can help you is by understanding the “why.” The reason why you have specific thoughts or feelings or why you have certain behavioral patterns in your life.

For instance, let’s say that you struggle with anxiety. And the only way that you feel better seems to be when you perform repetitive behavior. This could be tapping your finger three times or repeating something to yourself, and more.

Through individual counseling, a skilled therapist can help you make the connection between these behaviors and obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD).

3. Learning Your Origin Story

Individual therapy can also help you to uncover and understand the origins of these thoughts, feelings, and behaviors.

Sometimes they are the result of unresolved issues or trauma from your past. These lingering problems can make it hard to find clarity in the present. They cloud your judgment and even your perception of yourself and your capabilities. But with help, you can close the door on the past.

4. Seeing How Others Are Affected

When you’re having trouble finding clarity, it can be hard to see how your behaviors and actions affect other people in your life. Those who care about you the most may not always understand what you’re struggling with.

Even if they have known you their entire life, that doesn’t mean that they will really “get” what’s happening. This strains those very important relationships. Individual therapy can show you how your behavior and relationships are connected

5. Practicing New Skills

With clarity comes a new willingness and drive to do something different. In individual therapy, you can learn new ways of coping so that you don’t get stuck with those blinders on again.

Maybe its disputing certain irrational thoughts. Or you develop new skills for coping with stress and anxiety. Learning, practicing, and refining these skills will help you feel a new sense of empowerment and clarity of purpose that you might not have experienced for years or even decades.

6. Continuing to Deal with What’s Holding You Back

An important thing to remember about individual counseling is that it involves more than one or two sessions. It is a process that does take time.

However, this time also allows you to develop a relationship with your therapist. Together, you can continue to deal with whatever issues that still hold you back and resolve them.

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With help from an experienced therapist, you can rediscover the clarity that you’ve been searching for for so long. Why not seek out professional counseling to get started today? I’d be happy to help you bring focus into your life.

It feels as if your brain is racing out of control.

You have an impulsive thought, which cascades into other thoughts that build up in your mind. There doesn’t seem to be any way to control these thoughts. They just happen.

What can you do?

Are you doomed to forever have to deal with impulsive thinking and anxiety? The answer is no.

In fact, there are several things that you can do when your anxiety is triggered. They aren’t complicated but are still effective in helping you get back on track.

Take a look at these solutions for when impulsive thinking triggers your anxiety.

Writing Down Your Thoughts… and Throwing Them Away

One healthy way to cope with anxiety is to write down your thoughts on paper. Then, once you are done, crumple up the piece of paper and throw it away (preferably into the recycle bin!).

This idea helps in a couple of ways. For one, when you write down your thoughts you can transfer them from your mind onto something else. Second, the physical act of crumpling up the paper and throwing it away really helps with creating a sense of closure.

It’s a quick way to manage your thoughts so that they don’t get the best of you.

Using Guided Imagery for Mindfulness Meditation

You’ve probably heard about the benefits of mindful meditation. However, it can be tough to just sit with your thoughts when those thoughts are the source of your anxiety.

One possible solution is using what’s called guided imagery. This is when you focus your thoughts on a mental image that you find calm and soothing.

It could be an example from your own life. For instance, let’s say that you have a favorite memory of walking on the beach at sunset. The way the light hit the water and the sound of the waves crashing on the shore was really peaceful. When you start to feel anxious take a few minutes to reflect on that memory to regain your composure.

Utilizing the Power of Lavender

It’s been shown that certain scents, such as lavender, can have a calming effect. So, consider using the power of lavender whenever you begin to feel anxious.

For instance, you could light a scented candle at home or have a plug-in lavender scent at work. Or perhaps keep a small bottle of lavender essential oil with you, just in case. You could open the bottle for a quick smell or put a drop on each of your wrists.

Drink a Cup of Tea

Another idea to calm yourself when you have anxious thoughts is to enjoy a nice warm cup of herbal tea. Peppermint, chamomile, and lavender teas are refreshing and relaxing.

It’s not just the calming effects of these herbs as you drink the tea, but having a warm drink can be soothing in itself. Plus, you also can smell the tea as it’s brewing in your cup. All of this allows you to receive the soothing benefits of the tea through multiple sensory processes: smell, taste, and touch.

Why not keep a few bags of tea and an appropriate container in your lunch container or work bag so that you can have a warm drink wherever you go.

Spend Time with Your Pets

A pet dog or cat can be very soothing when you have anxious thoughts. Dogs, for example, are very trusting of humans and are always looking for affection. And cuddling with your pet will release endorphins that will help you feel better too.

Don’t have a pet? No problem! Volunteer at your local animal shelter or the Humane Society. They are always looking for people to volunteer to spend time with animals and take them on walks. By helping out, you help the animals and yourself!

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The problem with impulsive thoughts is that they can strike anytime and without notice. So it’s a good idea to have multiple strategies available for coping with impulsive thinking and anxiety on the spot.

However, it’s also a good idea to work with a therapist for long-term anxiety support. Contact us if you’d like to find out more.

Those thoughts—they keep coming into your head, whether it’s day or night.

You feel tormented as images flash through your mind or as impulses quickly appear and disappear. And no matter what you do to try to distract yourself, nothing works! Instead, you feel even more sad, depressed, and powerless.

Intrusive thoughts are a common symptom of depression. They can make your life torture as you battle every day to keep them at bay.

However, there are things that you can do to cope with these thoughts so that they don’t rule your life.

What Are Intrusive Thoughts?

Intrusive thoughts are unwanted scary, depressive, or anxious thoughts that are disturbing and distressing. There can be several reasons why you have intrusive thinking.

For example:

• Being triggered by past trauma due to sights, sounds, or smells that you are exposed to
• Going through a difficult or troubling life situation
• Having certain beliefs about yourself, whether or not they are true
• Experiencing obsessive thoughts about doom

You can have intrusive thinking while depressed because your mind is in a very vulnerable state.

Already, your attention is focused on the negative. Depression often makes you feel out of control, without any ability to make change happen for yourself. When that powerlessness comes out through the thoughts in your mind, it can be particularly distressing.

Types of Intrusive Thinking

So what constitutes an intrusive thought? Here are a few examples:

• Feeling guilty
• Low self-worth
• Sadness
• Self-harm
• Doing something impulsive
• Expecting the future to be bad
• Worrying about other’s perceptions of you
• Being overly critical of yourself

For those who are not depressed, at times, a thought might occur to them that they find troubling. However, they have the capacity to brush that thought aside and continue with their day.

Depressed people, on the other hand, often don’t have the capacity to do that. Instead, they dwell or ruminate on the thought. Instead of letting it go, they keep brooding over it. Even if they would rather have the thought out of their heads, they can’t seem to let go.

As you can imagine, this only causes the depression to get worse. It’s as if the two feed off of each other.

What to Do About Intrusive Thoughts

There are several things that you can do to push back against intrusive thinking. The first is to identify the thought for what it is—intrusive. Identifying and labeling the thought helps to create a buffer between you and it. This does, however, require a bit of self-awareness on your part.

Some other things that you can do include:

• Acknowledge the thought, then let it go
• Remember to breathe by practicing mindfulness exercises
• Say to yourself a mantra or phrase that is empowering
• Visualize a place where you have always felt calm and at ease

It’s best to practice these skills when you are not in the midst of intrusive thinking. That way, when those thoughts do occur, you will be better prepared to deal with them.

Intrusive Thinking and the Art of Distraction

Oftentimes we consider distraction to be negative, but when dealing with intrusive thoughts, it can really help you cope. What kind of distractions can help?

Exercise is one idea. It helps you be more present and in the moment. That makes it harder for those thoughts to creep in. Another idea is doing something to “get out of your head,” so-to-speak. That could be doing a physical task, such as yard work, or chatting with someone you know and trust.

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Intrusive thoughts don’t have to wreak havoc on your life. If this type of thinking causes you to believe you don’t have any control, then the key is to take back that power. The above-mentioned ideas can help you get started.

However, it’s also a good idea to get professional support through individual therapy. Please, contact us to see how we can be of help.