Does Your Partner Annoy You? – How to Manage Negative Emotions

You love your partner. You really do, from the bottom of your heart.

However, there are times when your partner, well… annoys you.

That can be very hard to admit. Nobody likes to say that there are things that their partner does that irritate them.

Yet, in just about every relationship each partner has certain traits that can drive the other up the wall. Snoring is certainly up there on the list. As is chewing your food with your mouth open. Or maybe it’s speaking before thinking.

These annoyances can cause you to have some very negative emotions. Obviously, you wouldn’t want these feelings to linger or drive a wedge between you. So what can you do?

Here are some ideas for how you can keep negative emotions in check when your partner annoys you.

Watch Your Facial Expressions

You might say that you’re not annoyed with your partner, but your facial expressions say something completely different. And your partner knows it.

Most people don’t always recognize how their facial expression are communicating their true feelings. However, if you are trying to manage your negative emotions, this is an important first area to address.

Not that you shouldn’t hide your true feelings behind a mask. That isn’t productive. Yet, the eye-rolling isn’t helpful either. If you’re not sure what your “tells” are, ask your partner. Their response might surprise you.

Then, contemplate how you can still own your emotions without them coming out negatively through your facial expressions.

Consider Why You Are Having These Feelings

Next, think about why you are having these feelings in the first place. That’s not easy to do, as it can reveal some aspects of yourself that you might not want to admit.

However, understanding your motivations for your annoyance is very important. It will allow you to separate what’s truly important from what’s not.

For instance, if you are annoyed that your partner doesn’t follow through with promises, that is certainly a crucial issue that needs to be resolved. But if it’s about how they laugh or even speak, that might be an indicator you need to shift your perspective a little to not be so critical.

Recognize How Annoyance Can Lead to Anger

Something else to consider is how annoyance, without being addressed, will lead to anger. This often occurs when you experience annoyance about your partner’s behavior over time. Yet, you never have any kind of discussion with them about those behaviors. Rather, you hold your feelings in.

Everyone has a breaking point. Often those feelings spill out at the most inopportune time. And, sadly, it often happens in a way that damages the relationship, not strengthens it. Usually, it’s in the form of anger. That’s because you feel that you can’t take it anymore.

Acknowledge Feeling Annoyed and Communicate

The better solution is to acknowledge what you are feeling, both to yourself and your partner. You are entitled to have your feelings, including annoyance. But what you do with those feelings does have ramifications for both you and your partner.

The best way to deal with feeling annoyed is to talk to your partner about what you are struggling with. Ask for their help. They can do this by first listening to you. Then, together, you can decide where to go from there.

It might be that all you need is to vent and get your feelings out in the open. Or you and your partner can collaborate with finding a workable solution.

Get Professional Help for When Your Partner Annoys You

Sometimes you need professional help when dealing with these types of relationship issues. A therapist who is trained in relationship therapy can help you manage your emotions.

Maybe you’re not ready to tell your partner about your feelings, but a therapist could be the next best option. To start with, they can help you sort out why you are annoyed with your partner. Then, with your partner, you can both work with the therapist to find practical solutions to remedy the situation.

Everyone gets annoyed occasionally, including with their partner. What’s important is knowing how to manage that annoyance so that you don’t get overwhelmed with negative emotions. If you think you may need professional help, don’t hesitate to reach out to us 256-686-9195.

Author
Joshua Howell, MS, LPC, NCC, AADC, ICAADC, SAP, SAE

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