It’s so frustrating having fights over the same relationship issues. After a while you feel as if there’s a broken record playing. There’s no resolution, only arguing, fighting, and hurt feelings. You may even have wondered if the only way out of this mess is to end the relationship.
However, that doesn’t have to be the case. You and your partner can find solutions to these problems. To do so, it’s going to require being intentional and deliberate with both your actions and how you interact with your partner.
First, stop talking! That sounds harsh, but it’s also reality. So often a heated conversation escalates into a fight because both sides couldn’t stop talking. We are very perceptible creatures.
You may have noticed that when your partner talks faster, so do you. If you talk louder, they raise their voice. These acts are hard-wired into our brains. So, in order to break the cycle of fighting, you need to first stop talking. Otherwise, the arguing will not only continue but escalate.
Next, take time to cool down. You might think you’re too old for a “time-out.” However, you’re not. Taking space from your partner gives you both the opportunity to unwind from a very tense moment.
You’d be surprised how quickly you can calm down just by stepping away from the conversation and taking 10 minutes to yourself. This act also works to break up the cycle of arguing and prevents an escalated situation from getting worse.
Consider Your Emotions
All too often fights start because one person believes the other is being “ridiculous” or are offended by what the other partner has to say. But why? What happened?
Most likely the answer isn’t in what your partner said (although it takes two people to have an argument). Rather, it’s how you emotionally react to what’s happening that matters.
For instance, your partner says they feel disappointed in you. You might feel sad or even angry, but deep down you might also feel shame. It’s these deeper emotions that can fuel an argument and perpetuate fights.
Be Honest with Yourself
One of the biggest hurdles with resolving differences between partners is owning your role in the fighting. It’s way easier to put all the blame on your partner for the fights. Yet, this ignores your role in the fighting.
As mentioned above, it takes two people to have an argument. That means you play a big role in how these arguments occur. Take a moment and reflect on your role with the fighting. This level of honesty isn’t always easy. It’s hard to look in the mirror and acknowledge your flaws, but this is also critical for finding a solution.
Work to Find Common Ground
Ultimately, in order to resolve the fighting, you and your partner need to find common ground. That isn’t easy if you both feel you’re worlds apart. However, it is possible. One way to approach the situation is by separating your partner from the problem.
All too often we consider our partner to be the obstacle getting in the way of resolving the argument. “If only they’d see things my way!” When we do that, it prevents us from addressing the deeper issues at hand.
Ultimately, it takes communication and an open mind for both partners to resolve their differences. This is especially if you and your partner are very far apart on the relationship issues that cause these fights. Couple’s counseling can help with this process and provide the space for both of you to heal. Reach out today to learn more, 256-686-9195.